Support a Loved One Through the First Days of Recovery by understanding that when your loved one is ready to begin their recovery journey, a range of emotions can hit you at once. Relief, hope, fear, anger, tiredness, and many other feelings may emerge during the conversation. These emotions are completely natural, but staying calm, compassionate, and supportive can help create a positive foundation for the recovery process.
You might have spent several weeks, months, or even years waiting for the moment when your loved one would agree to get help. Naturally, in such a case, you might want an instant solution for all your worries.
However, it is impossible to solve all the problems in one day, and that’s ok.
The most crucial thing is to be consistent, focus on the next step, and try to guide your loved one to professional help.
Start With the Moment in Front of You
When your loved one decides to start seeking professional help, you might find yourself wanting to go back in time and remind them of all the moments that made you worried and frustrated.
You might want to demand guarantees that this time the person will really follow his path towards sobriety and change his/her lifestyle.
These feelings might be real, but they are not the most helpful ones during the conversation.
In order to support your loved one properly, try to concentrate on what s/he is talking about now and react adequately to it:
“I’m glad that you told me. I love you and we can move forward.”
Remember that listening does not mean staying silent on the issues caused by substance abuse. On the contrary, it means choosing an appropriate moment to discuss them.
What might help you in supporting your loved one during his/her first steps?
Allow the person to talk without interrupting him/her.
Do not promise anything that you are unable to fulfill.
Avoid blaming the person for his/her previous actions.
Focus on one step that should be taken, such as calling a treatment provider together.
Stay calm even if you are terrified or frustrated inside.
Professional Help Should Come First
When family members of an addict see that their loved one is ready to start recovery, they naturally want to help the person quit using substances at home. This desire is driven by love, but in many cases, it can be dangerous.
Alcohol and benzodiazopines withdrawals are especially dangerous. This is why, instead of waiting until your loved one decides that s/he is ready to quit, try to consult a professional who will determine whether this process requires medical assistance.
In order to find a reputable treatment provider, you can search online for such a service as a drug detox New Jersey program.
Call emergency services or find urgent help immediately if your loved one experiences seizures, confusion, hallucinations, chest pain, trouble breathing, is unconscious, or poses danger to themselves or others.
The goal is not to make your loved one panic. The goal is to make sure that a potentially dangerous situation is under control by specialists.
Focusing on Practical Next Steps
Once you’ve decided to arrange treatment for your loved one, unfortunately the world keeps on turning. Work, family, pets, finances, bills and appointments are a constant reminder that life goes on.
Try to make a list of things to do and concentrate on them.
Things to organize first:
- Time off work: The time off work will probably be necessary, but its duration and the options provided to you will differ from one job to another. Contact your company’s HR department to learn about sick leave, FMLA or short-term disability insurance.
- Children and dependents: Try to plan how to provide for their needs. Do not hesitate to seek support from family and friends. They’re not there to blame you for something, but to assist you in organizing things.
- Health information: Make a list of medications, known diseases, allergies and relevant physicians’ contacts. If it’s requested by the treatment provider, take it to the assessment.
Household: Take care of the immediate practicalities at home, such as paying essential bills, arranging pet care and sorting transportation. You do not need to solve every financial concern at once; focus on what needs attention in the short term.It might be helpful to find out in advance what to expect from your next visit to the clinic, how to communicate with the treatment provider and what happens after the detox.
How to Explain the Situation to Children?
Children often observe more than adults realize. Even though kids may not understand everything, they can usually sense that something unusual is going on. Therefore, you should explain the situation to them in a clear way.
However, you should be careful in explaining the reasons for the sudden absence of their father or mother or other changes in their life.
You do not have to tell them everything. In fact, giving them too much information might scare them and leave the impression something terrible is happening.
In order to explain the situation to kids, you can try the following:
“Your father is receiving help from the doctors because he is ill. It is not your fault and he loves you very much.”
Older children and teenagers are likely to ask more questions than the little ones. You should not lie or try to cover up any problems. Just tell your child the truth and let them know that they’re not responsible for solving the situation.
It can help to reassure children that the adults around them are handling the situation. Children may want to fix things for their parent or make them feel better, but they should not feel responsible for doing so. Let them know that their job is simply to be a child, while the adults take care of the support and decisions needed.
Stick to the usual routine. Going to school, playing, reading books or playing games can be good for them as well as the adults.
You can tell your child that the problem is in the capable hands of adults and they shouldn’t be worrying about it.
Create A Safe Environment at Home
The transition from treatment or detox to home might be stressful for your loved one. You do not have to transform your house into something unrecognisable, but you should make it comfortable and calm.
Here are a few ideas which can help you create a proper healing atmosphere at home:
- Remove alcohol, drugs and other reminders of substance abuse from your home.
- Restrict visitors if your loved one feels uneasy with strangers.
- Keep meals simple and low-pressure, especially if your loved one has little appetite or feels tired.
- Maintain regular routines: meals, sleeping, visits to doctors.
- Ask what might be done in order to make your loved one more comfortable at home.
- Do not create a special environment where everything has to be constantly discussed and controlled.
- Recovery works well when the person feels supported and comfortable.
There may be times when your loved one seems to be silent, tired or sad. It does not necessarily mean that s/he fails to recover. Sometimes this state is connected with the transition period and adaptation to new conditions.
Support Is Not the Same as Taking Over
One of the most difficult parts of supporting a loved one is knowing the difference between helping them move forward and unintentionally making it easier for harmful patterns to continue.
Here are a few examples of what support and enabling can look like in practice:
- Supporting someone might mean driving them to appointments, helping them attend recovery meetings, preparing meals or offering practical help that makes treatment and everyday life more manageable.
- Enabling can look like covering up harmful behaviour, lying to protect someone from the consequences of their actions, giving money without clear boundaries or taking over responsibilities that they need to face themselves.
The line between these concepts can be fuzzy.
In order to determine whether your actions are enabling or supporting, try to ask yourself the following question: “Does it make the recovery process easier or easier to avoid?”
Setting this boundary does not mean that you do not love this person. It means that you’re protecting your own wellbeing whilst also leaving enough room for the person to take care of themselves.
You can be compassionate and still have boundaries:
“I’ll drive you to treatment, but I will not give you money until I understand why you need it.”
“I care for you a lot, but I can’t lie to your work or family.”
Establishing the limits might be unpleasant at first, but eventually, it can help the family to become more honest and stable.
Detox Is the Beginning, Not the End of Recovery
Detox can be one of the most important steps in the process of recovery, but it is certainly not the last one. After the process of withdrawal, the person might require residential treatment, therapy, medication management or other kind of help.
Each of these stages is different and each person will require something unique.
Therefore, try to find out what should be done after detox by asking the treatment provider. Some of the things you should consider are:
- What level of care is required?
- Is family therapy necessary?
- How can the family provide support?
- What signs of relapse should be paid attention to?
- How to respond in case of increasing cravings or difficult emotions?
- Which local resources can be used?
Recovery is rarely a straight line. There may be good days and difficult days, but setbacks or struggles do not mean that progress has been lost.
Do Not Forget About Yourself
Supporting the recovery process of a loved one can be tiring. You have to manage your worries, financial problems and your own emotions at the same time.
This is why you need to get help yourself.
Consider speaking to a counselor, attending a family support group or confiding in a friend. You can also benefit from family therapy when relations with the person were spoiled by substance abuse and you need to communicate better.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It helps you to keep your thoughts in order and make good decisions. It helps you to set the limits and take one step after another.
Take It One Step at a Time
Starting a recovery process might feel like an insurmountable task. You can’t know what will happen later, but that’s okay.
It’s impossible to control everything. All you can do is to take the next step.
Listen, get professional help, organize the basic aspects of your life and remember that you are not alone with your problems.
The recovery starts with one talk and one decision.
